Monster
by alb33
Summary: He had admitted to caring about her and if her suspicions were correct, he cared a lot more than he was letting on. She latched onto that knowledge with all she had and let it fuel the fire that had started within her. She was determined to make him see that she didn't care about their age gap or about his condition. And now she just had to get him to change his mind.


"_So listen close I got a dirty little secret  
The kind that takes away the air you try to breathe in  
You won't believe it until you feel it  
If love is blind I guess that's why you didn't see it."_

**-Monster (Kris Allen)**

* * *

Tonks had liked Remus ever since the first day she met him. Sure, he was a lot older than her, but he was smart, nice, patient and quiet. Tonks loved all of those qualities, but she supposed his quietness was what she found the most interesting. He was the exact opposite of her in that category. It wasn't that she was obnoxious, but she was definitely vibrant. When she had met Remus, her hair had been bright pink for some time and before that, it had been purple. Before that, it was bright red. At the time, she actually couldn't remember the last time her hair had been her natural light brown color.

A fair share of people, especially Muggles on the instances she passed them in public, gave her strange looks when they saw her hair color. It was as if they thought she was dangerous just because her hair was pink. Little did they know, she was the least of the dangerous things out in the world.

Remus, on the other hand, had _liked_ her hair. When Mad-Eye had first introduced her to the former Hogwarts professor, he had shot a glance at her bright pink hair color before giving her a small smile. "I haven't seen that much pink since I was in school and James set me up on a blind date in Madame Puddifoots on Valentine's Day."

Tonks had smiled and shrugged. "I'm a Metamorphmagus. I've been changing my hair color pretty much since the day I was born. It's been nearly every color under the sun."

"I like the pink. It suits you," Remus had smiled before heading off to talk with Mad-Eye.

In the year after their first meeting, they grew closer. They spent a lot of nights staying up late doing Order business, both of them unable to sleep properly unless they finished a task or figured something out. It would be just the two of them surrounded by paperwork and candlelight. Sometimes, Tonks would shift closer to him, but he would shift away slightly and rub the back of his neck. But he would blush slightly as well and that made Tonks think he actually did like her. She would make him laugh, too, and the way he looked at her after always made her insides melt. He didn't laugh often and Tonks wondered why. She knew he had been close with James and Lily, who he had lost. His other best friend had been a traitor, and his third best friend had been in Azkaban for twelve years for a crime he didn't commit. It sounded tough, but she always suspected there was more to him. She desperately wanted to know what it was and she wanted him to trust her and confide in her, but she didn't want to press him or pry. She didn't want him frustrated with her or mad at her.

And then, one day, he had told her all on his own.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Tonks had blurted out one night, as they were gathering their things and getting ready to go home for the night. She leaned on the table with one hand as she turned to face him, twirling a strand of pink hair around a finger of her free hand.

"Er, resting most likely," Remus said absentmindedly. He shrugged as he continued gathering up his things without meeting her gaze.

"Resting?" she asked in surprise as she narrowed her eyes at him.

He smiled faintly. "You do realize that most nights you and I stay here terribly late working, don't you? I'm not the young Hogwarts student I used to be and staying up late to do work isn't as easy as it once was. I get tired."

Tonks was quiet for a moment. Something wasn't sitting right with her, but she wasn't going to ask about it. He _had_ seemed a bit odd that day. For the past few days, actually. He always seemed to be a bit under the weather. At least every three to four weeks. It was odd and she felt like there was something she should have been picking up on, but she wasn't. She shrugged it off, though, and continued speaking. "And _you_ do realize that we don't have to stay here late? Sirius and Mad-Eye and whatever other Order members are here always leave long before we do."

"Well, we're both too stubborn to leave problems unsolved or unfinished for too long," Remus said, putting on his coat and turning to her. He smiled again.

"True," Tonks said slowly, looking down at the hand resting on the tabletop. She drummed her fingers a few times before looking up at Remus again. "But I also like staying late because it always ends up being just us. I…_like_ spending time with you, especially alone. That's why I asked what you were doing tomorrow. Tomorrow night, actually. I thought we could spend some time together, but without the work for once."

Remus inhaled deeply before closing his eyes and exhaling. He crossed to the window and stared out of it for what seemed like a decade. Tonks turned as well and just watched him in slight confusion. Had she upset him in some way? She knew for certain he liked spending time with her to do Order work, so what was so difficult about spending time with her doing something else? She knew he was quiet, but he wasn't antisocial. Or maybe it was her. Maybe he didn't like her pink hair anymore. Or maybe he liked it, but not when he was going to be seen with her in public. The good thing was that she could change it—and quickly, too.

"I can't see you tomorrow. I'll be taking it easy for the next few days, actually."

Tonks blinked a few times. "Okay," she said slowly. "I just thought you might like to hang out, you know? I feel as if we get along pretty well and I just—,"

"You think I don't want to see you?" Remus asked.

Tonks looked up at him. He wasn't looking out the window anymore. Instead, he was looking at her, a strange expression on his face. It was an odd mix of amusement, surprise and, oddly, sadness.

"Well, yeah," she shrugged. "You're being somewhat vague…and, I don't know, I get the feeling you're hiding something. If you are, you don't have to tell me, but I mean—"

Remus sighed again. "I'm a werewolf," he blurted out.

Tonks blinked again as she was cut off mid-rant. "Oh. You are," she repeated, unsure of what else to say. "That's…fine."

Remus actually chuckled, but it sounded sort of sad. He turned completely away from the window and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and simply staring at Tonks. She glanced away under his gaze and waited for him to say something.

"You shouldn't get too involved with me," he said suddenly.

"Why not?" she asked, looking up at him and furrowing her brow.

"Didn't you hear what I just told you?" he asked, somewhat impatiently. "I'm a _werewolf_."

"Yes, I know. I'm actually not that surprised. You have been a bit off today and you usually are about every month or so. I didn't quite pick up on it, but now that you've said it, it makes quite a bit of sense."

"Tomorrow is a full moon," Remus stated.

"Yes, I know that, too. Again, I've managed to piece everything together, Remus," Tonks told him. "Maybe we can't see each other tomorrow, but we can another day."

"I'm dangerous, Dora," he whispered. "I don't think it's best that we go further in our relationship at all. Besides, I'm too old for you."

"Do you take a Wolfsbane potion?" she asked, ignoring the part about him being too old. That didn't matter to her in the least. The werewolf bit was a bit of a bigger issue, but truthfully that didn't concern her either. It didn't change how she felt about him. On the contrary, she only liked him more. She knew now why he always looked so sad. Despite the fact that he had friends and people who cared, he felt lonely. He felt isolated. He must have felt that way all his life. It was the reason he wasn't teaching at Hogwarts anymore and why he hadn't been able to find a job since. She also knew why no one had informed her of the details of his Hogwarts resignation. Remus had insisted on it. He tried to keep things as secret as possible because for one thing, he was quiet by nature, and for another, he didn't want people to know. He didn't want people to treat him differently or to be afraid. Well, it was too bad that Tonks wasn't going to treat him differently and she wasn't afraid.

Remus nodded in response to her question about the potion. "I do take it, yes."

"Okay, so that's not so bad. You're less dangerous with that. And besides, you're not dangerous the other, what, twenty nine or so days of the month. What you've told me hasn't changed how I see you at all. It makes me like you even more, actually."

"Don't Dora, stop it, please," Remus said, holding up a hand. He crossed the room again and grabbed his things before turning for the door. "A relationship isn't a good thing for me. Not now, not ever, really. It's just not something I can do."

"But you shouldn't have to force yourself to be alone," Tonks argued. "It's not your fault you were bitten."

"But I was and it's done now," Remus said, pausing in the doorway.

"Can you just tell me one thing?" Tonks whispered. "Can you just tell me, your condition aside, how you feel about me?"

Remus looked at her and held her gaze for a moment, taking in her pleading hazel eyes and pink hair. She was suddenly self-conscious of how young she must look to him. He had already pointed out their age difference and she had always looked younger than she really was. Her pink hair probably didn't help and if you threw in her notorious clumsiness, it was as if she was a thirteen year old.

But that didn't change the feelings she had felt between them for the past year. When they were together, they had an amazing connection and she didn't want to be proven crazy now. She wasn't crazy. The feelings were there. She just needed Remus to admit it.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, he answered her question, although somewhat vaguely. "I confided in you and I'm pushing you away because I don't want to hurt you. I also am of the opinion that you deserve someone very different than me. Someone who isn't dangerous. Someone who isn't a monster. That should answer your question."

"You're not a monster!" Tonks insisted.

"But I am," Remus said with a sad smile. "Goodnight," he whispered. "I'll see you next week for the next Order meeting."

With that, he left Tonks standing where she was in the drawing room of 12 Grimmauld Place, feeling slightly hurt, but more determined than ever. He had admitted to caring about her and if her suspicions were correct, he cared a lot more than he was letting on. She latched onto that knowledge with all she had and let it fuel the fire that had started within her. She was determined to make him see that she didn't care about their age gap or about his condition. She was willing to give them a try. And now she just had to get him to change his mind.

A few months later, Sirius was gone. Tonks was naturally terribly upset. Sirius was her cousin and they had always gotten along. She may not have seen him for the twelve years he had been in Azkaban, but she saw him frequently before and after he did his time. Losing him had practically torn her apart. So much so that she left her hair its natural brown for the first time in years. It framed her face, looking bleak and boring compared to its previous colors. Its usual vibrancy was gone, just like with Tonks herself. Besides that, Remus was pushing her away more and more, giving her another reason to get rid of her vibrant hair. It reminded her of him and how he had complimented it. And she was also miserable, so why not have hair to match her mood. In the past months, she had tried to get it across to Remus how much she liked him, that she wasn't going anywhere or changing her mind, and how none of his reasons against a relationship mattered to her, but he wouldn't listen. He had even stopped staying late with her like they had used to. They would see each other at Order meetings and that was it. Instead of getting more alone time with him, Tonks had gotten less and she was now down to nothing. He was avoiding her. She didn't know what else to do. She had researched werewolves and tried to find other werewolf and non-werewolf couples to help convince him, but nothing worked. The fact that they hardly got any alone time or even time to simply talk didn't help either.

She was more alone than ever, to be honest. Despite the fact that Order meetings were far more frequent and being held at the Burrow, which always seemed full, Tonks still felt lonely. And besides that, Molly kept trying to fix her up with Bill, even though he was engaged to Fleur Delacour. Apparently, Molly wasn't such a huge fan of Fleur and thought Tonks was a much better option. It would have been sweet if it wasn't so annoying. Bill was great and all, but he wasn't for Tonks. He clearly loved Fleur, and Tonks clearly loved Remus. She understood that he wanted her to be safe, but at the same time, it just proved he loved her. Or at least cared deeply for her. And why should he be denied of being with someone he loved just because he was a werewolf? As she had told him, it wasn't his fault that he was one and she didn't think any less of him. She could _never_ think any less of him. To her, he was incredibly smart, brave and just overall wonderful.

At the beginning of the following summer, Dumbledore was killed and Bill was attacked by Greyback, the same idiot werewolf that had attacked Remus. It was clearly hard for him, as he stood in the hospital wing, staring down at Bill's bloodied face and explaining how Bill would only have some werewolf tendencies considering it wasn't the full moon. Tonks knew all this already. She had done a lot of research on werewolves ever since she had found out that Remus was one. She had wanted to find out everything she could. She had thought it would help her understand and relate to him more. She had thought it would help her see that she truly wanted a relationship and cared about _him_, not the fact that he was a werewolf.

And then Fleur had arrived and declared that she still loved Bill and wanted to marry him despite what had happened. As she should. At that point, Tonks had turned around and looked at Remus desperately. "You see!" she hissed. "She still wants to marry him even though he's been bitten. She doesn't care!"

Remus pursed his lips. "It's different. Bill won't be a full werewolf. The cases are completely—"

"But I don't care either!" Tonks exclaimed, finally reaching the end of her rope. She had tried persisting and convincing Remus to change her mind about them as patiently and calmly as possible, but now she couldn't take it anymore. "I don't care! I've told you a million times!"

"And I've told _you_ a million times," Remus said, "that I am too old for you, too poor and too dangerous."

"You're being ridiculous," Tonks told him in a huff, crossing his arms.

"I am not," he insisted. "You deserve someone better. You deserve someone young and whole."

"And you'd be okay with that?" Tonks asked. "You mean to tell me you'd be perfectly happy with me going off with some younger man who isn't a werewolf? You wouldn't be upset at all?"

Remus didn't answer. Instead, he looked at the ground."That's not the point," he mumbled. "It's not about how I would feel. It's about what you deserve."

"The _point_ is," Tonks argued, "that you most definitely care about me just as much as I care about you. I've been patient for a long time now and I don't know what else to do to convince you that we're right for each other. I'm not afraid of what you are."

"You should be."

"But I'm not. I'm not running away."

"Now is not the time to discuss this," Remus said bluntly. "Dumbledore is dead…."

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anyone to see that there's still a little more love in the world," Professor McGonagall had chimed in.

"I've had plenty of time to run," Tonks said. "And I'm not. So you're going to have to give in eventually, Remus, or simply put up with me standing my ground and persisting for the rest of our lives because I am _never_ giving up on you."

Later that night, Remus finally admitted how madly in love he was with her. He admitted that he couldn't stand Mrs. Weasley suggesting she would be great for Bill. He couldn't stand to see her depressed about Sirius. He also couldn't stand to see her with brown hair, oddly enough. At that remark, Tonks had smiled and instantly changed her hair back to pink.

"Much better," Remus whispered.

And then, he leaned in closer, hesitantly at first, and kissed her, while Tonks' insides melted, squealed with joy, and threw confetti all at once. His arms were around her and hers rested on his chest as she filled with absolute happiness.

"Did I ever think to tell you that I am a monster?" Remus asked with a slight smile on his face as he pulled away.

"I think you might have mentioned it," Tonks laughed. "Once or twice. And you're not a monster."

"Yet you still want this?" he murmured, ignoring her last comment. "You're sure?"

She nodded. "I don't want you to feel so alone. I don't want you to think that being a werewolf means you can't have a relationship, that people can't love you or that you can't love other people. It's not true."

"Clearly," Remus said, smiling slightly at her.

"So….what are you doing this weekend?" Tonks asked with a grin. "I thought we could, you know…spend some time together without doing any work stuff."

"That actually sounds perfect," Remus answered. "It's a date."

A few months later, they were married in a quiet ceremony with only a few people as witnesses. It was what Remus had wanted and Tonks wasn't going to complain. She hadn't expected marriage to come so soon for them as it was, but the upcoming war probably played a huge part in it. People became impulsive. But at the same time, Tonks felt that she had never made a better decision than saying _I do_ to Remus Lupin. She was the happiest she'd ever been. She wasn't lonely anymore and she didn't think Remus was either, which was the best part. He had never needed to be lonely, and she was suspecting he was slowly beginning to realize it.

Announcing her pregnancy in the fall sent him into a state of panic, of course, as she had expected, and he had left the house for a long time. Nearly all day, in fact. It got to the point that she was actually beginning to worry that he had left her, but then he had come back. He was still kind of a mess, but she talked to him and calmed him down.

"What if the baby's like me?" he croaked, resting his head in his hands. "I can't pass how I am on to an innocent child."

"So what if the baby is like you?" Tonks asked. "I know I'm going to love him or her just the same. And he or she will have a tremendous, smart, patient father to help them through everything. Isn't that right? Besides, things are going to change for werewolves. They'll get the rights they deserve. It'll probably be a struggle, of course. There's a lot of progress to be made, but it _can_ happen and it _will _happen. I know it."

That got Remus to look up and stare at her for a long moment before leaning over and kissing her forcefully and desperately, but gently and kindly all at once.

"I've always wanted a family," he whispered once he had pulled away. He glanced down at her stomach and placed his palm on it. Tonks could feel the warmth of his hand and she smiled as she put her own hand on top of his.

"What are you thinking? Boy or girl?" she asked.

"Girl," he stated. "A girl with the brightest pink hair you've ever seen."

"Pink's a good color," Tonks laughed.

"I know," Remus said. "I actually quite like it…and it definitely suits _you_."

"But so do you," Tonks argued.

Remus gave her a tiny smile and a peck on the cheek before leaning back into the couch and throwing an arm around her shoulders. "But still…what if the baby's like me?" he asked.

"Oh, you mean a _monster_?" Tonks asked, narrowing her eyes.

"I—well, er…." Remus blinked a few times and bit his lip as Tonks smiled. She knew what he was thinking. If the baby was a werewolf, there was no way he would see him or her as a monster. He would love the child too much. But he thought of himself as a monster, so he had dug himself into somewhat of a hole and Tonks knew it.

"You're not a monster and the baby won't be either, no matter what," she stated. "And I'll keep telling you that until you believe it, so I suggest you shut up."

Remus shot her a look, but then half-smiled as he looked away. He knew full well that Tonks would do everything in her power to get him to believe what she said. She had done it before and Remus could never thank her enough for it. She had made him the happiest he had been in a long time, and while he still had his insecurities, getting married was the best thing he had done. Tonks was right; they suited each other. Because of her, he had realized that the real monsters inside of him were his own thoughts and insecurities, and because of her, he had learned to fight them.

* * *

**A/N: I basically got the idea for writing this story after listening to the song Monster, by Kris Allen, which is the song the quote at the top is from. I thought it was the perfect song for Remus and Tonks. I've never written a fic for them before, though, so I'm actually pretty nervous to post this. Hopefully I did them justice. Let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it :)**


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